I'm Still Here
by StarlitDreamer
Summary: When Hermione wipes her parents' memories and has never felt more alone, Ron is there to remind her that he's still by her side, and whatever comes, they'll get through it together.


_Author's Note:_ This is for the July Prompt Exchange hosted by Unattainable Dreams. My prompt was "Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars." from Ed Sheeran's song _Thinking Out Loud_. This was my first writing challenge, and I enjoyed it a great deal. It ended up being more introspective than I normally write and a bit verbose, but I hope that you'll find it worth the read.

~S

* * *

When she reached the end of the street, Hermione slowed until she was standing in the middle of the road, fists clenched, all her determination focused on not turning to look back at the house she'd grown up in. After a few moments, she forced herself to remember Harry and Ron; they needed her.

_Ron._ He'd said he'd be waiting. Hermione took one heavy step toward the trees of the park. Another step, and another, her feet feeling like they were made of lead, until she knew that the trees had closed behind her. Then she did turn, on the spot, and she wished more than anything for a last glimpse of her mum's garden as the world around her faded to black.

When the pressure lessened and she felt a breeze on her cheeks, she sank to her knees in the grass without even opening her eyes, not caring if she'd actually made it to the Burrow. Finally, the tears came, and she managed just enough self-restraint to keep from actually crying out. She had never felt such overwhelming sorrow and dread - and she had never felt more alone in her entire life.

Then, as if to contradict her thoughts, there were arms around her, strong and steady, and she buried her face in Ron's shoulder, not needing to look to know that it was him holding her. For once there was no awkwardness in his manner as he pulled her into his lap and let her cry into his chest for what could well have been hours. And for once she had no reservations at all about curling up in his arms, letting him see her so vulnerable, and as he stroked her hair she cried even harder, letting all the stress and sadness and fear drain out of her.

* * *

After a long time, her heaving sobs quieted. But Ron didn't pull away and neither did she, needing to feel his arms around her, to know that someone who she loved still remembered who she was. Even if he didn't care about her in the same way, he was still here, and at that moment she didn't need anything romantic, only the steadiness that Ron brought to her life.

But eventually she realized that they couldn't sit there all night and slowly dropped her arms, sniffing loudly and finally opening her eyes. Ron handed her a handkerchief and she wiped her nose before meeting his eyes. Numbly, Hermione noticed that his cheeks were wet too and, without thinking, she reached up to wipe the tears away. He smiled sadly and she felt her lips spasm as she tried to return the expression.

Slowly, he stood, shaking out his legs - which she realized with a touch of guilt must have been asleep for a while - and pulled her up, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he led her toward the Burrow.  
"Lumos." He muttered as he led her up the winding stairs until they paused outside his bedroom.  
"Do you want to sleep in here tonight?"  
Hermione was so wrung out that she just nodded and followed him inside, vaguely noticing that the room was cleaner than normal and there was a camp bed beside his. She sat heavily on Ron's bed, staring at the floor, knowing that she should move, do something, say something, but she couldn't manage it. Ron's face appeared in front of her as he gently pulled the bag off of her wrist and put a bundle of clothes in her lap.  
"They're clean. Then you don't need to unpack. Why don't you change?"  
Hermione nodded and, when the door closed behind him, she shook herself enough to change.  
Bolstered by the movement, she opened her bag anyway, retrieving her toothbrush. Once she'd washed her face, she felt a bit better. Looking in the mirror, she realized what she was wearing - the orange t-shirt, complete with Chudley Cannons logo, was long on her, and the shorts reached past her knees. Her stomach managed a half-hearted flip as she realized that they must be Ron's old pyjamas. But in so many ways now, Ron was her home, and she realized that she didn't care right now about what he or anyone else might think. And as she made her way back to the room, she gripped the edge of the t-shirt in her fist as if it might disappear too.  
Ron, already in his pyjamas, looked up and grinned as she walked in. "I like you as a Cannons fan."  
She did manage a smile this time, which seemed to encourage him because he jumped up from the camp bed and handed her a steaming mug. "I thought maybe you'd want some tea."  
Sitting on Ron's bed, she took a sip as he retrieved his own and sat beside her, quiet but looking sidelong at her as he drank. She wanted to say something, but she could still feel tears in her throat and knew that if she started talking she would cry again. So they finished their tea in silence, then Ron stood and stretched.  
"Suppose we should get some sleep."  
Hermione caught him glance at her again with a bit of a worried frown and, impulsively, she stood and hugged him. "Ron, thank you."  
He was stiff for a brief second before his arms wrapped around her again. "Of course."  
Again, he didn't pull away until her arms loosened, the they climbed into their beds and Ron extinguished the light. As it went dark, Hermione began to panic again and ground her teeth in frustration. Slowly, she took a deep breath, another. Then tentative fingers closed over her clenched fist.  
"I'm still here, Hermione."  
Lacing her fingers through his, she released what was supposed to be a laugh, but sounded more like a sob.  
"I know."

* * *

When morning came, the first thing Ron was aware of was that Hermione's fingers were still laced tight with his. She was still asleep and he could tell that she'd cried more during the night, but she'd kept hold of his hand. He lay for a while just staring at her. Her eyes were swollen and red, her nose puffy, and her hair hadn't stayed in its plait. Last night, he knew he had seen her at the lowest point in her life. Honestly, he'd expected her to push him away, try to be strong and positive until she could break down in private. But she hadn't. She'd wanted him there, seemed to need him even. He felt a grin on his face that was probably too happy considering everything that was going on, but he didn't care. She made him happy and, even if she didn't feel the same way that he did, he knew now that she needed him. Her eyes fluttered open and immediately focussed on him, a slow smile lighting up her face.  
Then her eyes widened. "Ron! I slept in your bed, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I just didn't think..."  
He chuckled. "Well I wouldn't have let you sleep on the camp bed even if you had, so it's all right."  
Suddenly, the familiar awkwardness seeped into the room, and they dropped hands and avoided each others' eyes as they sat up. Hermione slipped back to the loo to change, and tried not to think about how Ron had held her hand all night long - even though she could think of nothing else. Dabbing a few drops of a beauty potion around her eyes, she brushed her teeth as she watched the puffiness recede, then picked up Ron's pyjamas and made it only two steps out the door before - "Hermione!"  
She jumped and spun at Ginny's delighted voice just in time to avoid being bowled over by her friend's hug. "I didn't know you were coming today!"  
"I got in very early." Hermione hugged her friend tightly. Ginny grinned as she pulled back and her mouth opened to say something, but then her sharp eyes flicked to the pyjamas folded over Hermione's arm, and the grin became smug.  
"I see."  
Not too long ago, Hermione would have gone red and hissed at her to shut up. But somehow, the familiarity - and the triviality - of something like Ginny teasing her about Ron, snapped her out of her dread and sorrow, and she just found herself laughing, which had the added benefit of changing Ginny's smugness to surprise. Hermione pushed past her and into Ron's empty room, laying the pyjamas on the bed before raising an eye at her friend, who just chuckled.  
"C'mon, Mum's got breakfast on. They'll all be excited to see you."

* * *

The day was a relaxed one - perhaps because they all knew that soon enough, wedding preparations would begin and so they should rest up while they could. Somehow Hermione managed to avoid crying as she spent most of the day with Ginny and Tonks - who arrived with Lupin just after lunch. Ron played endless rounds of Quiddich with the twins, and so the awkwardness had mostly evaporated by the time they found themselves sitting together after dinner and Hermione could broach a subject that had been on her mind all day.  
"Ron." She kept her voice low so only he would hear her. "Last night, you were waiting for me outside."  
He seemed insulted. "Well of course - I knew you'd be upset when you arrived and that you wouldn't come in and I wasn't going to let you be by yourself."  
She could have snogged him senseless right there, in the middle of the busy room, at that moment. He looked down at her and suddenly looked a bit nervous. "Did - did you want to be alone?"  
"No! No, Ron." She gave him a smile and squeezed his arm. "It was _exactly_ what I needed, everything that you did, and you didn't even need to ask, you just knew."  
He looked proud. "Well, I just thought - you like tea and, well you don't like the Cannons but they make me happy, so…"  
Reddening suddenly, he took another drink of butterbeer and she snorted with laughter despite herself. "The Cannons do make me happy. They remind me of you and you -"  
She froze, suddenly looking at her shoes. Now it was her turn to turn red and she was painfully aware that her hand was still on his arm. But she'd lost enough in the last day that she couldn't stop herself from finishing the sentence. "- make me happy, Ron."  
He'd turned to her and his mouth was hanging a bit ajar, as if she'd smacked him on the back of the head. Feeling like she might have overplayed her hand, she stood abruptly, gathering the nearby dishes and hurrying into the kitchen. Dumbly, Ron watched her go, then jumped suddenly to his feet and strode after her. She had her back to him as she washed the dishes, and he just watched her for another moment before grabbing a dish towel to dry them. She smiled up at him, and they worked in companionable silence until he broke it.  
"Pretty exciting about Lupin and Tonks, eh?"  
"I'm so happy he finally admitted that he loved her too."  
"Well, he thought he was keeping her safe, so you can see why he did it."  
"I suppose so."  
Silence fell again until Hermione had finished, and she gazed out the window as he dried the last few pots.  
"I love looking up at the stars." She mused quietly. "When I was little my father taught me that if I counted them, it would always help me remember that even my worst problems are really very small in the grand scheme of things."  
Hermione's eyes were suddenly full of tears again. She turned quickly away, reaching for some of the dry dishes. But Ron had caught them and before even he realized it, he had grabbed her arm and pulled her out the door and to the back of the garden, then wrapped his arms around her. She managed to stave off the tears for a few seconds, but then they came hard and fast, shaking her shoulders. Ron held her tighter until eventually her sobs slowed, and he sat her on the garden wall, pulling out a handkerchief and handing it to her. Hermione wiped her eyes and gave a shaky sigh.  
"I'm sorry."  
Ron shook his head, his voice gentle as he sat beside her. "Don't be silly. You have every right to cry. Bloody hell, Hermione, anyone would."  
She sighed shakily and leaned against him, like all her energy was spent. "Thank you." She whispered.  
"It'll all sort out. You'll see them again. After all of this is over, we'll find them."  
She looked up, and he saw trust in her eyes, which glittered in the light of a thousand stars above them, that he just stared for a moment - mesmerized - before realizing how close they were. He needed to do it now - he needed to kiss her. When would he have a better time? She bit her lip and he could swear that she leaned closer. And he decided that he _would_ just go for it -  
"Ron? Hermione? Where - oh -"  
Ginny stopped abruptly in the doorway, for once no teasing in her voice as she grimaced apologetically. "Mad Eye's here."  
"Thanks, Gin." Ron didn't even look at his sister. "We'll be in in a minute."  
"Right."  
Ginny retreated, and Hermione gave a little sigh as she pulled a tiny potion bottle from her pocket. "Well, I suppose my eyes are all puffy again." She rubbed a several drops into the skin around her eyes, then blinked a few times before look up at Ron again, starlight still reflecting in her eyes. "Better?"  
For one reckless moment, he almost said something - told her exactly what she meant to him. But then he thought of what they had ahead of them - danger and horrors and darkness probably beyond anything they could imagine - and instead he just forced a smile. "Can't even tell you've been crying."  
Hopping down from the wall, he offered her his hand. "Shall we see what old Mad Eye's paranoid about now then?"  
Taking his hand, she chuckled a bit as she slid to the ground. Hand-in-hand still, they walked slowly and had nearly reached the house when she pulled him to a stop and met his eyes seriously. "Thank you, Ron, for everything."  
And leaning up on her toes, she kissed him on the cheek, before ducking through the door into the house and leaving him staring after her for the second time that night. But this time he just grinned, and glanced up at the stars, and thought that maybe - just maybe - the future wasn't so dark after all.


End file.
